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Christmas Fairies

The annual Christmas song is a little late this year, but you can have the gift-card drawings I made! Last year it was cats, the year before that it was dragons, this year it's... fairies and their animal companions!

"Lokasenna" Condensed

And just like that, half a year passed.

I really should get around to reviewing the rest of Polychrome, but for now... here's a little story from the ol' Norse myths.

Basically, I've taken the dramatic poem Lokasenna ("Loki's Wrangling"), which is basically about Loki insulting all the other gods. The poem is often used as an example of how clever and witty and eloquent Loki is... but you know, if you look behind all those fancy words and focus on what he's actually saying, Loki in this poem really doesn't come across as either of those things.

So here it is -- Lokasenna, condensed and translated to modern-day English:


Aegir, the host, and a sort of sea-god (No lines).
Loki, god of mischief and deceit.
Odin, king of the gods and father to most of them.
Frigg, queen of the gods and Odin's wife.
Bragi, god of poetry.
Idunn, goddess of youth and Bragi's wife.
Njord, god of the sea, far more legit than Aegir, and father of Frey and Freya.
Skathi, goddess of skiing, wife of Njord (but not mother of Frey and Freya).
Frey, god of agriculture and son of Njord.
Freya, goddess of love and daughter of Njord.
Vidar, the silent god. (No lines.)
Tyr, god of war.
Heimdall, watchman of the gods.
Gefion, goddess of ploughing and virginity. Yes, seriously.
Sif, goddess of the hearth and Thor's wife.
Thor, god of thunder, absent for most of the poem.
Balder, the god who died.

And introducing…

Fimafeng, Aegir's servant.
Eldir, Aegir's other servant.
Byggvir, Frey's servant.
Beyla. Frey's servant and Byggvir's wife.

Aegir holds a party for the gods. Most of them are there... except for Thor, who has an appointment in the East and has promised to stop by later. Everyone else is having a good time, though, and Aegir's servants, Fimafeng and Eldir, serve everyone lots of tasty beer.

This beer is excellent! And the servants are really skilled at pouring it! Hooray for Fimafeng and Eldir!

What? Someone is praised who isn't me? Can't have that! Die, Fimafeng!

Everyone else:
Oh no, he killed Fimafeng! You bastard!


Loki manages to escape the angry gods. After they've given up chasing him and gone back to the party, he decides to go back as well.

After all, I didn't finish my beer. Hey, Eldir, can I come back in? What’s going on in there?

They've started drinking again, but wouldn’t advise you to go in there. Everyone's peeved at you. You kinda ruined the party by killing Fimafeng for no good reason.

Oh, really? I’ll just go in and tell them all what I think of them.

No, listen! Everyone's really angry at you, get it?!

Watch it, or I’ll insult you too.

Loki forces his way past Eldir. The gods all fall silent when they see Loki enter.

Hey, guys! Oh, c’mon, now, nobody wants to greet me? Either invite me to join you, or tell me to get lost.

Get lost.

Odin, come on, we're blood-brothers, you used to be cool. Let me stay.

Odin (sigh):
Okay, I don't have the energy to put up with this whining, and it's bad form to kill your blood-brother, especially when you're both guests in someone else's house. You can stay, Loki, if you sit down, shut up and behave. Vidar, get him a drink.


Vidar, who has no spoken lines in this poem, but who is no doubt thinking a lot of nasty things, gets Loki a beer.

Cheers, everyone! I drink to your health — except for Bragi, that is. He can go off and die for all I care.

I knew this would happen. First you kill a guy for no reason, then you beg your way back to the party and as soon as you open your mouth you begin hurling insults. If I give you a horse and a gold ring, will you go away?

As if you had a horse and a gold ring to give. You're a dirty coward, and everyone knows it.

If killing you wouldn't be a serious brech of party etiquette, I'd totally kill you for that!

Pshaw, you're all talk! You couldn't kill a sick housefly!

Bragi, don't get him started.

Shut up, Idunn, you're a slut!

I wasn't talking to you, okay? I just don't want any fighting!

Yeah, can't we just get along?

Shut up, Gefion, you're a slut too!

Loki, you always do this. Leave Gefion alone, she's cool.

Shut up, Odin, you're a doddering incompetent who gives victory to people who don't deserve it!

A least I didn't spend eight years in the form of a milkmaid and gave birth to several children!

No, you just took on the form of a sexy witch and tried to seduce random men!

This is stupid. You two are aware that nobody here is interested in your sexual experimentations, right?

Shut up, Frigg, you're a slut!

Frigg (sigh):
I wish Balder was here. He wouldn't have stood for this.

But he's not! And you know why? I killed him! Hah!

Are you seriously confessing to murder right here, with everyone present?

Shut up, Freya, you're a slut!

Your insults aren't very original, are they?

Well, you also fucked your own brother… and then you farted! So there!

Enough with the slut-shaming! Double standard, much?! Who's the father and the mother of the world's biggest monsters?

Shut up, Njord, you're just a stupid hostage, and I'm pretty sure you've got a watersports fetish.

And yet, unlike you, I have a son that everyone likes.

Yeah, a son you had with your sister! Ew, ewwww, Frey sucks!

Hey, don't diss my man Frey! He's a great guy!

Shut up, Tyr, you only have one hand!

True, and the wolf who bit off my other hand — and that wolf was your son, might I add — is now chained up and will remain chained until Doomsday.

…yeah, well, shut up, Tyr, I fucked your wife! Who, by the way is a sluuuuuuuuuut!

Seriously, Loki, will you quit this? Your insults are neither as clever nor as funny as you seem to think.

Who are you to talk? You gave away your sword in order to marry some stupid woman, and now you don't have a sword, ha ha!

You can't talk to my master Frey that way!

…who the hell are you?

My name is Byggvir, and I —

Yeah, I don't actually care. You look like a total loser anyway.

Loki, I think you should seriously consider giving up drinking.

Shut up, Heimdall! You're just a lowly watchman, nobody cares about you!

Loki, either you quit this crap, or we tie you up for eternity like that stupid wolf son of yours.

Maybe you will… but I killed your father, nyah nyah!

All the more reason for me to be the one who ties you down!

Doesn't change the fact that you're a slut!

…look, Loki, just have some more beer, and let's forget all this insulting-everyone-in-the-room nonsense, hmm? We used to be friends!

Sif, in a clear desperate attempt to stop Loki from making "you're a slut" the Most Used Phrase Of The Day, gives him some more beer.

Well… Sif, you're the only goddess in here who's not a slut. You're more of a frigid bitch. Except for the fact that you totally are a slut, and I banged you.

Hey, I think Thor's arriving! He'll put a stop to this!

Shut up, Beyla, you're a slut.

And then Thor arrives, demonstrating that he has some keen hearing, because he's heard what's been going on and now he's pretty angry at Loki.

Okay, that's it! You stop flapping your mouth now, or I beat you senseless with my hammer!

Oh, uh, Thor! Ummm…. Why so angry? You're not such hot stuff!

You have until the count of three, and then I smash your skull in!

You're a coward —


— and a weakling —


All right, all right, I'm leaving! But only because I know you're the only one here who actually would hit me.

Loki turns and walks to the door.

Aegir, this was a lousy party. And it'll be the last one you ever throw. Bye.

Shortly after this, Loki is caught and tied up, and Skathi makes a serpent spit acid at him for eternity.

Moral of the story:

If you've just killed someone for no good reason, and then feel the need to go back to the house where all the angry gods who witnessed the murder are... don't do it.

If you absolutely have to, and then by some miracle avoid having your face punched in... don't start yelling about how they all suck.

If you can't avoid this either, then at the very least don't start bragging about all those other murders you totally got away with.

And if you do that... well, you only have yourself to blame.

Pukka, Pukka, Pukka Squeetily Boink

It's that time of year again!

Yes, it's the evening on May 17, Norways Constitution Day, and as always on this day, I'm here with a new uploaded a capella song! This time, the song is Pukka, Pukka, Pukka, Pukka Squeetily Boink, and throm that title you can probably guess that it's one of those bouncy fun songs. In fact, it's from Fraggle Rock! And gere it is:

I believe in magic words,
I believe in love,
I believe in fairy treasure falling from above!
One more time the world goes round;
One more magic day,
Now I've learned the magic sounds that speed it on its way!

And it goes: Pukka pukka pukka pukka squeetily boink!
Sweet melody!
Pukka pukka pukka pukka squeetily boink!
Neat harmony!
Whoaaaa -- pukka pukka pukka pukka squeetily boink!
That's music to me!
Pukka pukka pukka pukka squeetily boink!
Pukka pukka squeetily dee!

You can learn the magic too!
You can learn to sing!
You can learn the special words that live in everything!
Train your ear to hear the stone,
Listen to the tree!
Magic is as magic does: It lives in you and me!

And it goes: Pukka pukka pukka pukka squeetily boink!
Sweet melody!
Pukka pukka pukka pukka squeetily boink!
Neat harmony!
Whoaaaa -- pukka pukka pukka pukka squeetily boink!
That's music to me!
Pukka pukka pukka pukka squeetily boink!
Pukka pukka squeetily dee!
Pukka pukka pukka pukka squeetily dee!

Last time on Roo's Reaction Reviews, Erik made one of the best/worst puns ever, Ugu tried slut-shaming Mrs, Yoop without much success, Princess Zenga was horny, King Rinkitink was totally awesome, Polychrome got so upset about the prospect of The Erik Show becoming pornographic that she went out and beat up half the Rainbow Kingdom, and the Rainbow Lord revealed himself to be a manipulative douchebag and felt very bad about it. And I celebrated the halfway mark and talked a bit about what I liked and disliked about the book so far.

Time to return to The Erik Show as we view chapters 13-36 of Ryk E- Spook's novel Polychrome!

Chapter Thirty-OneCollapse )
Chapter Thirty-TwoCollapse )
Chapter Thirty-ThreeCollapse )
Chapter Thirty-FourCollapse )
Chapter Thirty-FiveCollapse )
Chapter Thirty-SixCollapse )

Hey, with this batch of chapters we're going to be halfway through this series!

Anyway, last time on Roo's Reaction Reviews, The Erik Show went on the road and got a much-needed vitamin injection as a result, and its three most faithful viewers kept on viewing. There was an Earth Elemental minion named Morg, Mombi the witch made a cameo, and we found out that even though Ugu is an evil tyrant he expects a certain moral standard from his minions. I got really excited about a possible appearance of King Rinkitink, disappointed when it didn't happen, but hopeful that it might happen in the future, especially since I finally recognized the cleverly-inserted Lord Pinkerbloo.

What will happen next? Let's waste no time, let's dig into Ryk E- Spoor's novel Polychrome and find out!

Chapter Twenty-FiveCollapse )
Chapter Twenty-SixCollapse )
Chapter Twenty-SevenCollapse )
Chapter Twenty-EightCollapse )
Chapter Twenty-NineCollapse )
Chapter ThirtyCollapse )

Last time on Roo's Reaction Reviews, a year passed in two chapters, fairies everywhere tuned in to The Erik Show, there was a fire-picture and a mountain made out of solid clouds, and I re-named the prophecy "the AMPTGOL" (an acronym for "All-Mighty Prophecy That Governs Our Lives") and talked at length about various types of "training of the hero" scenes in fantasy works.

Now, let's dig into chapter's 19-24 of Ryk E. Spoor's novel Polychrome and see what's in store for our asthmatic protagonist!

Chapter NineteenCollapse )
Chapter TwentyCollapse )
Chapter Twenty-OneCollapse )
Chapter Twenty-TwoCollapse )
Chapter Twenty-ThreeCollapse )
Chapter Twenty-FourCollapse )

Roo's Reaction Reviews: Polychrome (Part 3)

And we're back with six more chapters of Ryk E. Spoor's novel Polychrome. It's been a little longer between reactions than I had planned, but we're back and we're ready for chapters thirteen through eighteen!

Previously on Polychrome, the narrative kept switching between first-person and third-person, there was a self-insert character named Erik who spent a lot of time being told by every other character that he wasn't that bad, Polychrome was awesome for a few chapters before leaving her potential love interest to be intimidated by her father, Ugu the Shoemaker had been lusting after Mrs. Amanita Yoop for three hundred years without making a move, Ozma preferred darkness to light, we found out that the Wizard of Oz was not as discreet as he thought he was when ogling Polychrome's breasts... and I was happy to note that this book was better than Oz The Great And Powerful.

So let's dive right in and see where Mr. Ryk E. Spoor is going with this.

Chapter ThirteenCollapse )
Chapter FourteenCollapse )
Chapter FifteenCollapse )
Chapter SixteenCollapse )
Chapter SeventeenCollapse )
Chapter EighteenCollapse )

Hello again!

It's the second post of ten, and I really don't have anything else to say at the moment, so without any further ado, let's just continue reading Polychrome.

Chapter SevenCollapse )
Chapter EightCollapse )
Chapter NineCollapse )
Chapter TenCollapse )
Chapter ElevenCollapse )
Chapter TwelveCollapse )

And we're off! Welcome to another reaction-review, and of course to the land of Oz! Land of puns and adventure, of fairies and talking animals, and arguably the first transgender character in literature (Princess Ozma, in case you were wondering)... and unless Ryk E. Spoor really surprises us all here, hopefully completely free from James Franco.

Right then, time for me to snark, nitpick, second-guess and interpret. However this turns out, I'm almost positive this'll be better than Peter Pan's Neverworld.

First of all, since any good book experience beginse with the cover, let's take a look at Polychrome's:

Hmmm. Well, it's definitely Polychrome! She looks perhaps a little older and more serious than I'd imagined her, but that of course is up to the artist's interpretation. Seems like there's a storm going on around her, though the background is a little unclear. I'm in a bit of two minds about this cover; the artist's skill is obvious and I really like the brushwork and the use of color, but something is off... perhaps the composition; this looks more like a small segment of a larger picture than a full and complete picture on its own...

...No. Actually, I know the main problem with this cover: The title. That font just looks off. It's much too small and unimpressive, and the font itself jars with the style of the painting. Yeah, with a better font for the title, this cover would actually be pretty damn awesome. Interesting how you never think of a book title as an important part of the visual presentation, but it totally is.

Well, enough gawking at the cover; let's open this book and see what's inside!

(Okay, I'm reading the e-book version here, from the reader on the Amazon site; so technically I'm not opening the book so much as I'm opening the reader app... but let's not split hairs just yet.)

And here we go! Polychrome, A Romantic Fantasy ... wait. A romantic fantasy?! ...Ryk, I remember you saying Polychrome was your favorite character, is this going to be a self-insert... um. Well. Oh-kay. This was a bit of an unexpected twist. (Seriously; I didn't so much as glance at the insides of this book before I bought it off Amazon several months ago; I haven't read any reviews or exerpts... I'm completely unspoilered. And I genuinely had no idea about the "Romantic Fantasy" subtitle.)

Hmm... I won't lie, my enthusiasm dwindled a little here. I don't really like romance stories. I don't mind if a story has romance in it, but when it becomes the main point of a story I quickly lose interest. And "Romantic fantasy" doesn't sound like the kind of story I'd hoped for for Polychrome...

But that's a little harsh. I haven't even read beyond the title.  It could very well be that positive surprises are around the corner. So let's just start.

ForewordCollapse )
Prologue 1Collapse )
Prologue 2Collapse )
Chapter OneCollapse )
Chapter TwoCollapse )
Chapter ThreeCollapse )
Chapter FourCollapse )
Chapter FiveCollapse )
Chapter SixCollapse )

It's that time again... We're getting another reaction-review! For those of you just joining us, reaction-reviews are where I take a book, a movie or a comic, and go through it completely unprepared, writing down my thoughts about it as I experience it.

And this particular review has been a long time in the coming.

If you remember the introduction to my reaction-review of The Shepherd's Crown, I mentioned that I had been planning do reaction-review Ryk E. Spoor's Oz novel, Polychrome, but sort of got distracted by the fact that the last-ever Terry Pratchett book had come out and if I ever wanted to reaction-review Pratchett this was my last chance.

So Polychrome ended up shuffled to the side for a bit. And since there were so many other things I had to do and write and draw, before you knew it, several months had gone past.

Then, a few weeks ago, Ryk E. Spoor (with his LJ-handle, seawasp) actually commented on that first Shepherd's Crown post, asking me about the review. Well... always flattered to know that the author of a work is interested in my opinion!

So, now the wait is over. I'm going to do as I said those months ago, and properly reaction-review the book Polychrome.

But first... as is beginning to become standard for these, a little background, and some of my feelings and expectations for this book:

My interest in, and fondness for, the Land of Oz should have been well-documented by now (if you've missed it, check the "oz" tag for this blog!), as would my lament that the general population seem only to know about the pretty-good-all-things-considered-but-ghaaah-why-did-they-turn-it-into-a-dream Judy Garland movie -- and totally ignore that there's not only one book, but tons of them.

The Oz books, back when they were written, were truly great examples of modern fairytales... modern American fairytales at that, which probably accounts for much of the reason why American children adored them so, and why the books were such a cash cow that the publisher kept the series going for forty books -- when original author L. Frank Baum only wrote the first fourteen.

Basically, the Oz series was the Harry Potter of its day. And while it's not as big as it once was, it still has a sizeable and devoted fanbase...

...and like any sizeable and devoted fanbase, this one has produced a lot of fanfiction. Some of it bad, some of it horrible, some of it pretty damn good.
A lot of fans have played further with the places and characters, and as the books written by L. Frank Baum entered the public domain they could even publish their writings quite legally.

So really, there are a lot more than just forty Oz books out there; there are hundreds, written by dozens of authors and with many different takes on Oz and its inhabitants. Some trying to stay as close in tone and spirit to L. Frank Baum as possible, some walking their own path... some of them trying to turn the colorful child-like place dark and horrifying and "adult" and what have you.

If you remember, I reviewed three of these sequels-by-other-hands at one time -- two of which (The Mysterious Caverns of Oz and A Refugee in Oz) were pretty much keeping to Baum, and one of which (Jellia Jamb, Maid of Oz) tried to evolve Oz and turn it more "adult" by including a lot of nudity and innuendo.

I liked all of them, though Jellia Jamb was also frustrating because so much of it seemed to revolve around author Dave Hardenbrook telling the audience all the reasons why the people who didn't like his previous Oz book suck. (Dave... you're a good writer, I ultimately liked your book, and I understand you wanting to try "broadening" the Oz stories a little. I even understand wanting to try and insert some more mature situations to Oz and the characters. I'm just saying that introducing an obvious self-insert character as Ozma's love interest maaaaaaaaay have been one reason why your book wasn't that well-received.)

Now the time has come to Ryk E. Spoor's story of Polychrome, the Rainbow's Daughter, whom I have earlier named my favorite Oz character altogether.
Polychrome was one of the most colorful and loveable parts of L- Frank Baum's novels -- and Baum must have enjoyed writing her as well, as he gave her notable roles in four of his books, including the non-Oz book Sky Island... which, incidentally, I have no hesitation in naming the best book Baum ever wrote.

Sadly, after the death of Baum, Polychrome wasn't featured much in the series; the new authors didn't really seem to know what to do with her and as such they left her out of the stories or reduced her to brief cameo roles.

I've always thought, however, that she had the potential to carry a story of her own. Perhaps seeing more of her life up in the sky with her father and sisters (we know she has countless sisters, but none of them are as reckless or as lively as her), and letting her have an adventure of her own instead of just tagging along on other people's.

So, now comes Ryk E. Spoor, with a novel that has her as the titular character. I'll admit I've never read any of his books before this one, but from the few interactions I've had with him he seems like a nice enough guy.

So. Let's see... wow, this book has fifty-nine chapters?! Sixty-two, counting the two prologues and the epilogue) Looks like this'll be the longest reaction-review ever... For Peter Pan's Neverworld and The Shepherd's Crown I went through five chapters per blog post, but this time I think that since there are so many chapters here, I'll increase the chapters-per-post number to six. That way, I can fit the novel neatly into ten posts:

Post 1: Cover, Author's Note, Prologues 1-2, Chapters 1-6
Post 2: Chapters 7-12
Post 3: Chapters 13-18
Post 4: Chapters 19-24
Post 5: Chapters 25-30
Post 6: Chapters 31-36
Post 7: Chapters 37-42
Post 8: Chapters 43-48
Post 9: Chapters 49-55
Post 10: Chapters 56-59, Epilogue, Sum-up and final review

That seems like it'll work, though this.... will probably take a bit of time. I'm not going to be able to do it all in a couple of days like I did with Peter Pan's Neverworld. Oh well, let's see how I manage as I dive into the longest book I have reaction-reviewed yet...

See you in the next post!

Two Buddies, A Badger, A Fox And A Bunny

This week I've watched two recently-made animated movies.

The first one was the Norwegian-produced Knutsen & Ludvigsen Og Den Fæle Rasputin,  an animated movie based on the vastly popular comedy/singing Trondheim duo "Knutsen & Ludvigsen." the English dub is titled Two Buddies And A Badger, and the main characters were renamed "Tootson" and "Ludiwood."

It's fairly clear that the producers are hoping that the movie will work as an international release as well, but to be perfectly honest I'm not so sure it does.

It's pretty much the same problem as you have with the Captain Sabertooth franchise, in that much of the charm of the movie comes from knowing the characters from beforehand, and Two Buddies And A Badger is a very Norwegian movie with a lot of inside-jokes that I doubt anyone who doesn't live in Norway will get. For instance, the movie's depiction of Bergen as the bad guy's stronghold, a perpetually gloomy city where it always rains and the inhabitants are only capable of speaking in harsh, gutteral sounds, is funny if you're Norwegian and aware of the Bergen sterotypes (and the good-natured if sometimes fierce rivalry between Bergen and Trondheim), but it has to be pretty incomprehensible for anyone else.

There's also the fact that Knutsen & Ludvigsen are a well-known and beloved act in Norway and have been around since 1970.They've performed and released about a hundred songs, several of which are insantly recognizable to just about any Norwegian. "Tootson and Ludiwood," however, do not have this recognition factor to stand on, and without it I'm not sure if the movie is strong enough to stand on its own legs.

The plot isn't particularly inspired -- in fact, scriptwriter Øystein Dolmen (the original Knutsen) has lifted much of it directly from his own book Knutsen & Ludvigsen Og Den Gale Bergenser ("Knutsen & Ludvigsen And The Mad Bergensian") from 1987 -- and in my opinion it worked better in book form; the movie comes across as more careful and with less of an edge, it's a lot more streamlined and has less weird absurdities. Not to mention, the bad guys who were actually sinister and threatening in the book, are far less so in the movie -- I get that they're supposed to be funny, but they really just come across as tiresome.

That's not to say there aren't inspired moments in the movie. The inside jokes are often hilarious if you know the background for them, and the married ghost couple who keep flirting with one another (an original addition to the movie) are surprisingly adorable. The badger is fun; his deadpan reactuins to most things reminds me a bit of Gromit the dog from Wallace & Gromit, and his sub-plot about rescuing a group of kidnapped sewer rats, which eventually culminates in him becoming the big hero of the movie, is satisfying. And the score deserves a special mention; many of the classic Knudsen & Ludvigsen songs are performed, and they're just as good as they always were; they really lift the mood and spirit of the movie. Even outside the musical numbers, several other familiar songs cleverly tend to sneak in on the instrumental background music; at notable moments the background music will suddenly play a few bars from a known song from their repertoire. It's a really great touch.

The true highlight of the movie, though, is the duo of Knutsen & Ludvigsen. Or, if you will, Tootson and Ludiwood. Neither is played by their original actor (Gustav Lorenzen, the original Ludvigsen passed away a few years ago and the movie is a bit of a tribute to him), but the new actors capture them so perfectly that it's almost impossible to tell the difference. They're a great buddy-act with tons of on-screen chemistry and charisma; they bicker and banter and burst into song at the drop of a hat, they swap insults, they cheer each other on, they work together and against each other -- and they get all the best dialogue in the movie. When they're on, they're on.

Uniquely, the funniest moment comes at the end credits; after another song has been sung, the two buddies appear in voice-overs and begin speculating about whether there'll be something funny at the very end of the credits, because many movies have that. They get all excited about what might happen, they complain that the credits take too long, and then when the credits end the screen cuts to black and nothing happens. Causing the pair to angrily declare their disappointment and leave. And then, after they've gone there's a twenty-second clip where the big multi-headed animal (a character who showed up in the franchise, frequently appeared in the songtexts and even got to sing a few songs himself, but who hasn't been in the movie at all) makes a cameo and does nothing but laugh. It's hilarious.

I would kinda like to know what people who haven't grown up with these characters think of the movie, though.

The second movie I watched this week is a lot more well-known internationally -- it's Disney's newest animated movie, Zootopia -- though here in Europe it's for some reason released under the name Zootropolis.

Zootopia/Zootropolis was one of those movies I went into fairly blank. I'd seen the teaser trailer and the "sloth" trailer, both of which were very promising, but beyond the "rookie rabbit policewoman and wily con-artist fox team up to solve a missing-person mystery" premise I really didn't know what to expect. After all, when Disney last tried their hands at an all-CGI funny-animal-world movie, the result was Chicken Little, quite possibly the single worst move in the Disney animated canon.

Thankfully, this movie is much better than Chicken Little. This movie is, dare I say it, good. I wouldn't call it the greatest Disney movie ever, but it's a solid and entertaining movie with a surprisingly well-crafted mystery at its core.

Okay, the identity of the bad guy isn't that hard to deduce -- about one minute after the character in question had appeared in the movie I was going "yep, that's going to be our mystery villain." And that was even before it was clear what the mystery was going to be! But like in most of the original Sherlock Holmes stories, the real mystery isn't so much "whodunnit" so much as it is "howdidtheydoit" -- and that part is pretty cleverly set up. In fact, this movie has one of the most solidly-constructed plots I've seen in an animated movie for quite some time, in how it collects all its seemingly-unrelated plot threads and ties them together in a very effective way.

The characters may not be the deepest or most standout animated characters ever, but they're likeable enough; especially the two protagonists. What really works here is how they take two constructed animal stereotypes -- the cute, innocent bunny rabbit and the tricky rascal fox -- and plays with them, showing how both the characters have struggled with stereotyping.

Judy Hopps, the bunny, is the most obvious one here; she has had to fight uphill all the way in order to be recognized as a cop because rabbits are supposed to be tiny, cute and cuddly, not tough law enforcers. Nick Wilde, the fox, at first seems to be playing the stereotype straight, as a cocky and fast-talking con man -- but it turns out that this is mostly a role he's playing; everyone expects a fox to be shifty and untrustworthy, so he's decided to own the stereotype and just be the small-time crook everyone thinks he is anyway.

And this might be where Zootopia shines the strongest, in its clever use and deliberate subversion of animal stereotypes, as an effective way of dealing with prejudices. Where the town of Zootopia is presented as a place where animals of all kinds live in harmony, the truth is that discrimination and intolerance is commonplace.

Judy feels this first-hand; being a newcomer to the city she starts out as believing the "in Zootopia everyone can be anything" propaganda but soon sees reality for what it is. Not only is she herself subject to the discrimination -- as the first law-officer that isn't a big, strong animal, she becomes the force's "token bunny" and gets assigned parking ticket duty -- but she also witnesses and tries to fight against other types of species-based discrimination under the "all animals are equal" type of thinking.

But, and I sort of appreciate that the movie goes there, despite being a victim of prejudism, Judy herself isn't immune to prejudist thinking. She does her best to overcome it, but deep down she struggles to overcome the mindset that society tries to enforce on her: She's afraid of predators and distrusts foxes even if she tells herself this isn't the case. In fact, there's a particularly effective scene in the latter half of the movie where she speaks against predators, and then tries to calm Nick by telling him that she didn't mean him, he's one of the good ones.

All in all, Zootopia is about discrimination -- the discrimination here can and is used as stand in for racism, sexism, ageism, ableism and just about any kind of "ism" you can imagine. A lot of people have found the movie's message to be heavy-handed, but personally I find it to work very well; it shows that even the best of us aren't above prejudist thinking, and not all discrimination is hateful -- while discrimination is unquestionably a bad thing, quite often it's based on fear and/or ignorance, not hate. And I can think of worse messages for a movie to have.

Oh... and the sloth? Yeah, he is the best part of the movie. Partially he is the best part of the movie because he's used so sparingly; he's only in a couple of scenes; enough that he makes an impact but not so many that he becomes tiresome. Kudos!!

My Experiments With Sous Vide

So, lately I've been trying to eat a little healthier, and one of the steps I've taken has been to cut seriously down on processed foods. Not that I'm going to go all Jamie Oliver or anything -- that man is a serious douchebag whose appalling food snobbery is only matched by his blatant ignorance on how people who aren't wealthy professional cooks live -- but there's nothing wrong with being a little more conscious of what you eat
So yes; more fruits and vegetables, more lean meats and fish, less sausage and pasta, that sort of thing.

Problem with it is that the processed foods are usually cheaper, quicker and easier to prepare. And really, quite often you just don't have the energy (or necessarily the skill...) to stand in the kitchen for ages and watch the food like a hawk to make certain that it doesn't go all burned and ruined.

It's a well-known fact that slow cooking usually gives you a better result, but who has the time to slow cook in this speed-obsessed day and age?

A few weeks ago, I was talking with a couple of people I know, and we broached on the subject of cooking; how it's hard to find the time/energy to cook decent meals from scratch. And one of them asked us if we'd ever tried sous vide.

No, we answered, we really hadn't. Wasn't that some ultra-fancy thing that professional chefs did that took five years and fifty thousand dollars in fancy equipment?

And so he explained the process a little: "Sous vide" is French and means "under vaccum." It's actually simpler than the fancy name suggests -- basically it involves sealing the ingredients in a plastic bag or canning jar, and then placing the bag/jar in a hot (but not boiling or scalding) water bath, and keeping the water at a steady temperature. It's like extreme slow cooking.

Yes, it takes a long time for it to get done... but the beauty of sous vide is that you don't have to watch your food like the above-mentioned hawk. You can leave it alone in the kitchen for hours, and because the temperature is low enough and kept regulated, it won't over-cook.

And so, as my friend explained, while the cooking took several hours, the neat thing was that you could use sous vide to cook your meal overnight while sleeping... then it's quick work to take it out of its bag and heat it up when dinnertime comes, and the food is cooked to perfection without the traditional "burned on the outside, raw on the inside" that you get with faster-and-hotter cooking. It was at this point he started to wax lyrical about the perfectly done, tender meats that he got this way, and we basically said "okay, okay, we get it, thank you!"

But he had managed to awaken my curiosity, so the next day I looked up "sous vide" online. I found out a lot of interesting things here; among other things that you really didn't need a lot of expensive equipment... well, the expensive equipment probably makes for better bragging rights, but still. I checked out equipments of various price ranges and types -- go for a water oven or an immersive circulator? Or just try the old "beer cooler" trick with a beer cooler and a thermometer?

In the end, I decided to try it. I found an immersive circulator named Sansaire, which was said to be a good sous vide machine and which happened to be on sale for relatively cheap at a store not too far away from me. So, this Monday, I brought home a brand new Sansaire circulator, some plastic freezer bags, and (because they had bragged that really cheap meant got tender and juicy when sous vide-cooked), some of the cheapest chicken filets I could find to start experimenting on.

There were a few hiccups at the start (one batch of chicken fillets got ruined because I hadn't vaccuum-packed the bag well enough, for instance), but when I got the hang of it things really started going well: Chicken filet, sous-vided on 65 degrees Celcius for approximately four hours before seared quickly in a hot skillet for that nice golden brown look -- I have never had a juicier chicken than that.

Already then I could safely say "Goodbye, barbecued chicken from the store! And for that matter, goodbye to all other ways of trying to do chicken from scratch!" This was so much better, and if I can get the seasoning just right (I tried with some marinade, which worked well!) it'll be perfect.

I tried out other things as well, with various success. Potato strips, vaccum-packed with olive oil, was pretty nice... though next time I'll drop the garlic powder. Beef striploin (again, bought the cheapest ones, five hours at fifty-four degrees) wasn't quite as good as the chicken, but still more than adequate: Nice and tender and juicy; it barely needed a knife. My attempts at doing creme brulet was pretty much a fiasco, though; I think that was a little too ambitious and I need to get more acquainted with the technique.

All in all, I was getting familiar with sous vide, and decided that now was the time to try out a slightly bigger thing -- Beef shank. To be cooked sloooowly, over 24 hours. (Everybody says 48-hour lamb shank is the ultimate sous vide experience, but I basically thought, let's build up to that via the beef.)

And despite a minor hiccup about twelve hours in -- this was when I realized that for long periods of sous-viding, you really should double-bag the meat, because the bags might start leaking -- the end result was nice. Tender meat and nicely juicy, it didn't seem to have taken too much damage from the brief water exposure, and I ended up having a very nice meal.

So yeah -- all in all, I think I'm onto a good thing here! Has sous vide changed my life? No, but it has certainly given me a new appreciation for chicken filet.And given that I already liked chicken filet, that can only be a good thing.

I'll be experimenting more with it in the future and see what I might end up with.


Celestia the Sorceress

Thought you might like to see a picture of another one of my RPG characters, Celestia the Sorceress:

And yes, she is named for Princess Celestia. It was a bit of a joke from my side, since my GM has not seen My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and isn't likely to either --  she never watched the "toy commercial cartoons" as a child and said that she accepted the cartoon was probably good, but if she watched it, it would just ruin her memories of playing with the toys.

When I was to introduce a new character, I was stuck on what to call said character -- then the name "Celestia" fell into my head and I thought, well, why not?

Celestia, then, is not my main character, but she turned out to be fun to play -- and can be summed up in one sentence: She is almost as cool as she thinks she is.

"Community" VS "Coupling"

I've been binge-watching Community lately, and it's essentially because of Rick and Morty.

Y'see, for some time now, it seemed like all the websites and online communities I visited were obsessed with Rick and Morty; references to the show was everywhere and people were constantly singing its praises. I wasn't too convinced it was for me; I'd caught Rick and Morty's guest appearance on that Simpsons couch gag and hadn't been terribly impressed. It had some good ideas but the art style was terrible and I didn't like the pacing; the entire thing just dragged too much and Rick very quickly got on my nerves.

But, far be it from me to judge an entire show solely based on a non-canon appearance on another show whose best days is behind it. Besides, I'd initially written off Adventure Time because I hated that art style too, and when I actually tried to sit down and watch that show it turned out I quite liked it. So I eventually decided that Rick and Morty at least deserved that I gave it a chance, and so I checked out a few episodes. And... well... I wasn't terribly impressed. It had some good ideas but the art style was terrible and I didn't like the pacing; the entire thing just dragged too much and if I'd thought Rick had got on my nerves for a cameo appearance that was nothing compared to 22 minutes of him.

Now, I can see why other people, with different senses of humor, would like this. It's a very "geeky" show with a lot of weird and thought-out sci-fi, and some very impressive creativity. I suspect if I'd actually liked Rick and Morty as characters, I would have enjoyed it a lot more.

But this brings us to Community. While ultimately I did not like Rick and Morty, it had enough interesting ideas and enough potential that I became interested in checking out if it creator had done other things. As the show was credited as the brainchild of one Dan Harmon (who based on Internet article seems like a... deeply troubled, but very creative, individual), who had also had his hand in a lot of other TV shows, I decided to check out one of them. And the choice fell on Community.

For those not in the know, Community is an ensemble-cast sitcom about the misadventures of a study group at a community college. The show frequently plays with the expectations and tropes of the format, includes a ton of genre parodies and gleefully points out its own absurdities. It has some nice dialogue and some really creative moments, as well as an above-average willingness to experiment and subvert genres.

As I watched those first episodes, I had this weird feeling that this show reminded me of something else. And I don't mean all the parodies; there was something about the set-up and the execution of the show itself that just felt very familiar. It took about half the first season, but then I figured out just what Community reminded me of: It really, really reminded me of Coupling -- the quirky dialogue style, the experimentation with the format, the weirdly optimistic cynicism. Even some of the character types were similar.

That's not to say that Community was an American version of Coupling (they already tried producing an American version of Coupling, which was universally-panned), it just seemed more like a spiritual successor... with a few notable differences.

Community is not primarily, or even secondarily, about romantic entanglements -- and is better off for it. There's much less overt sexism and the comedy does not lean on offensive gender stereotypes: there's a total lack of "I'm a man, I can't help myself" rants, and the women of the show are not by default snooty, passive-agressive or marriage-obsessed. But perhaps the big difference is that the characters of Community are likeable, where the characters of Coupling were not.

And this last part is interesting to me, because the characters of Community are clearly just as terrible people overall as the characters of Coupling -- if not more so. They certainly have a lot more atrocious acts to their names (though to be fair, they've had more episodes -- 110 episodes of Community to 28 episodes of Coupling). So why, I asked myself, did I end up liking the characters of Community, while the Coupling crowd just made me want to smack them?

Quite frankly, I think it has to do with the fact that Community acknowledges that its characters are horrible people.

Compare Britta from Community to Susan from Coupling -- both of them are shallow and self-obsessed and don't really treat their friends with respect. Susan seems to have nothing but disdain for people who aren't her (especially if they're male), and Britta is a failed activist who rants, insults people and thinks she knows better than everyone else. And yet Susan in her series is met by nothing but approval and adoration and comments about what a good person she is (probably doesn't help that she's based on the show's producer and the writer's wife) -- while Britta in hers gets mockery, angry rebuttals and it even becomes a running gag that the othes use the expression "to Britta something up" as a euphemism for screwing up majorly. Any negative traits Susan possesses are excused with "she's a woman, she's supposed to be like that" while Britta, when displaying her negative traits, is often told "you're horrible."

I couldn't stand Susan, but I have a lot of sympathy for Britta.

And that's the difference. Coupling presents a group of terrible people, and then pretends that they are normal, decent, well-adjusted, even admirable. It shoves their horribleness under the rog and tries to explain away the problem by insisting that there is no problem; this is just natural behavior for men/women. (It's why the characters Jeff and Jane -- and to a lesser extent Jeff's replacement Oliver -- were the only characters on that show I didn't absolutely hate after a while; the writer actually seemed to realize that their personality problems were problems.)

Community, but contrast, present a group of terrible people (with the possible exception of Troy, who seems to be the sweetest and least malicious of the group) and then showcases their terribleness, pointing out that this sort of behavior isn't okay, letting them all feel the consequences of their terrible acts... and then shows that despite all this they still have good in them; for all their self-centeredness and spite, they are capable of compassion, kindness and even selflessness. It shows that even terrible people can still be decent human beings. The characters are aware of their flaws and try to overcome them. Often they fail, but sometimes they succeed.

Moral of the story: In order to overcome a problem, you need to be aware that there is a problem to begin with. Coupling refuses to acknowledge its problems and as a result is basically going to be stuck in the same rut, incapable of growth or change. Community knows it has problems, and at least occasionally tries to work on these problems, and thus it actually has a chance to grow and change for the better.

That's why Community, in my eyes, is the superior show. (And I'm going to refrain from drawing parallels to Steven Moffat and Dan Harmon; that'd just be crude.)

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

I went to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens today. I hadn't originally planned to; I've mentioned before that I'm not exactly a Star Wars fan. But, well, I'd received a movie theater gift certificate for Christmas, and The Force Awakens was playing at a convenient time, and long story short, I decided to give it a shot.

What did I think? Well... actually, it was pretty good. I'm not about to start jumping up and down and squeeing about how awesome it was or anything, but... well,  let me put it this way: I stupidly went to a 3D showing of the movie without realizing it was a 3D showing and not realizing I should have bought a pair of those annoying 3D glasses until the movie began and the pre-movie text told me to put said glasses on. The result was that I watched the entire movie with weird blurs and doublings of images -- and still, I managed to follow the movie perfectly and for the two hours and fifteen minutes it lasted, my attention only drifted twice.

For Star Wars this is phenomenal -- compare The Phantom Menace, where my attention could barely stay on the movie whenever Jar-Jar Binks wasn't on screen (I still hold he was the only thing about that movie that was at least mildly entertaining), or even the original trilogy, where I stayed mildly engaged but would often glance at the time to see how much longer the movie was.

So what made this movie more engaging for me? Frankly, I think it was the acting. All in all, one thing taken with another, this is the best acted Star Wars movie I've seen. All the performances are solid and believable, which wasn't always the case for the original trilogy... and people actually act like people instead of wooden planks. which definitely wasn't the case for the prequel trilogy.

Plus, hey, Harrison Ford  -- the best actor from the original trilogy, bar none -- is back as Han Solo, and he's still got the acting skills! In a smart move from the moviemakers, he's got a substantial role in this movie, easily the biggest role of the returning characters. Only Chewbacca, his constant companion, gets anywhere near as much screen-time, and the two kinda serve as a link between the "old guard" and the new characters.

Carrie Fisher, whose performance didn't really wow me in the originals, has seriously improved her game here and delivers a great performance as General Leia (I actually think Han and Leia have better chemistry in this movie than in the original trilogy). And even if Luke Skywalker is only in the movie for, like, twenty seconds and has no dialogue, we know from other projects that Mark Hamill is a much better actor now than he was back in the 'eighties.

As for the of the new characters:

To take up the mantle from the original two-guys-and-a-girl trio of Luke, Han and Leia, we now get Poe, Finn and Rey as the new guard. Okay, Poe is basically a glorified cameo in this movie; he kicks off the plot but afterwards spends most of the movie off-screen and for a long time presumed dead... but likely he'll have more of a role in following movies.

For this movie the real protagonists are Finn and Rey. They're the ones who go through the most development and seems to be on the biggest journey. A little simplified we could say that Rey's story is the most plot-centric one; since she is clearly going to become a Jedi and is the one who finally goes off to find Luke Skywalker, she is the character with the Big Destiny and I'll be very disappointed if she does not turn out to be the main hero of the planned trilogy. However, Finn is the one who goes through the biggest (and I'd argue most interesting) personal journey -- he goes from a semi-nameless Stormtrooper, to deflects ranks when he realizes he doesn't want to kill innocent people, to basically a scared kid on the run who just wants to stay alive, to a genuine heroic figure who risks his life for those he cares about. His main struggle in the movie is between his desire to Do The Right Thing and his deside to not be killed, thank you very much.

The Force Awakens is really the story of these two characters, the same way the original trilogy was Luke's story, and the interplay between the two is great, with solid performances by Daisy Ridley and  John Boyega.

For much of the movie, Han Solo serves as the third member of the trio -- with Chewbacca and BB-8 rounding out the main cast as the token wookie and token droid. And this turns out to make for a really great character dynamic that sort of echoes, but does not copy, the engaging dynamic we found in the original trio and which was missing from the prequels because the main characters were all either extremely uninteresting, extremely unlikeable or extremely Jar-Jar Binks.

Here, we get Han as the slightly grouchy and cynical older guy who treats the other two with something approaching fatherly concern, Finn as the youngster just out and discovering the big world, and Rey as the in-between; more wordly than Finn but less experienced than Han. It works very well -- remains to see how/if Poe will fill out the role in the trio in the upcoming movies.

Also, special mention must go to BB-8, the new droid on the block. Cute, cuddly and very much a scene-stealer, he's clearly the R2-D2 for the new generation. The moments he shares with C-3PO just underlines this; they have a very similar dynamic even if 3PO seems more patient with BB-8, who in return doesn't seem to snark at the golden droid the way R2 does. In fact... in the two scenes that all three droids share together, BB-8 comes across as the youngest sibling who looks up to his two older brothers, and how they both accomplished so much before he was even born... okay, built. It's adorable.

So yeah. Great characters, great interplay between characters both old and new, and this is he biggest strength of the movie: It has heart. You really care about the protagonists.

The plot, however... isn't all that. Basically, it's a rehash of A New Hope; not scene-by-scene but the stories are more similar than they're different. The bad guys want a droid carrying important information, the heroes have to take said droid to the Rebels/Resistance, and afterwards play crucial roles in blowing up the bad guys' Big Bad New Weapon. And it seems like old Jedi Masters just give up and move to desolate faraway places whenever things go bad, because Luke's done that just like Obi-Wan and Yoda before him. And there's still no such thing as a safety rail. Lots of other similarities, but we've gone waaaay past homage here and gone straigh onto re-treading.  I'd have liked to see more originality here, because the movie is definitely at its best when it introduces new things to complement the old, rather than re-introducing old things in shiny new clothes and special effects.

Still... there's a hope (pun not really intended, but what the hey) that the next film will dare to go off in new directions. We'll just have to wait and see.


Christmas Song: There's A Promise

And just as promised, here is the annual Christmas song! I've recorded it in my subpar a capella style again; this time it's from Jim Henson's masterpiece Fraggle Rock, from the sole Christmas episode the show made. The song is more about solstice than Christmas, but it's really nice, and it was fun to sing.

And of course, here are the lyrics:

There's a rhythm
There's a rising
There's a dream of green that needs to wake
A password
And a promise
That the Earth will never ever break
It's coming
Feel it humming
In the heart we share with rock and sky
So raise your voices high

(Deep beneath the stone)
(Seeds begin to grow)
(Sun shines through the rain)
(We will live again)

PS: Sarah, I might be on late tomorrow.


Christmas Cats

The annual Christmas song will hopefully be up tomorrow -- in the meanime, here are this year's gift drawings. Last year's theme was dragons, so this year's theme: Cats!

Asian Golden Cat

Bay Cat





Pargay Cat


Nosk Skogkatt (Norwegian Forest Cat)

Somali Cat

Tabby Cat


The Princes and Princesses of Kandrazaal!

Here -- these are the fifteen Dragon Princes and Princesses. With the exeption of Zelen (more on that below), they are all here presented in their "birth" forms; since all dragons are shapeshifters they have a variety of looks and appearances.

The Dragon Princes and Princesses function not only as Royalty, but as the dragons' police and law enforcers. They have the power to apprehend, prosecute and pass sentences over other dragons who break the laws of Kandrazaal -- a big responsibility that even the silliest of them take seriously.

As for a quick Who's Who:

Front row, left to right: Lintila, Nilus (brown hair and tail), Reet, Reneth (in Reet's arms), Lynn, Darak, Shayna and Rashak.
Middle row, left to right: Verena (green dress), Zelen (blue skin) and Elya (orange shirt).
Back row, left to right: Obayana and Aldor (red beard) -- with Ruzika on Obayana's shoulders, and Kiriani on Aldor's shoulders.

And from oldest to youngest:

Lintila: Oldest of the siblings and potential Heir to the Throne if the King ever dies or steps down. Theoretically she has a certain authority over the others, but she seldom uses it unless she has to, preferring to let them do their own thing. Laid-back and generally reasonable, but has low tolerance for bigots and bullies.

Aldor: Without question the biggest and strongest of the siblings -- only Obayana even comes close. He's very gentle, though, perhaps the most soft-hearted of the siblings as well. Aldor is a Prince of simple tastes; good food, good drink and a nice campfire to tell stories around.

Rashak: A bit of a loner without much patience for other people.It seems like he's annoyed by everything and everyone, and he's not shy about letting them know exactly what's wrong with them.  

Verena: Despite being the biggest of the Princesses, Verena doesn't really call a lot of attention to herself. She is quiet and unassuming, and prefers smaller gatherings of three or four people to larger crowds. She is very perceptive, though, and she has a strange ability to know exactly what the truth is, so when she does speak it's wise to listen.

Reneth: Reneth is both sweet, feminine and cuddly -- and a total hardcase. She's just as likely to give someone a warm hug as she is to threaten to knock them senseless.

Obayana: Loud, boisterous and fun. Obayana is almost as big and strong as Aldor, and much more excuberant and physical. It's impossible to bring him down; he never gives up and keeps on laughing and joking even when everything is at its bleakest.

Reet: She's a bit of a flirt and very touchy-feely -- sometimes she can appear as a little vain and she can be extremely silly. She is, however, very sweet and charming, and she has a knack for getting along with people.

Zelen: Zelen was actually born "Zel," a boy, but always felt like she was supposed to be a girl. Eager to get away from her male body, she mastered the dragon shapeshifting abilities at an early age, and ever since she learned how to take on female forms she never looked back. Zelen is the best shapeshifter of the siblings and can take on any form; she's also a good actor and can play any role you give her.

Elya: Quick-witted, artistic and a little temperamental, Elya would probably be happier dedicating herself completely to her hobby of drawing and painting than performing her Royal duties as a Princess.

Lynn: Lynn is an alchemist, tinkerer and inventor, which she tries to combine with her job as law enforcer. She has been known to cause an explosion or two, but a number of smaller invensions have been successes.

Darak: If any of the Dragon Royals is a Detective, it's Darak. He's got an incredible gift for spotting what others don't, and draw the conclusions that escape others. And if his deductive skills don't get results, his stubborn persistence often does.

Shayna: The only Sea Elf of the siblings, and without any doubt the laziest. For a very long time she was the youngest of them, and  even now she's got a great ability for shirking work and letting her older siblings do the heavy lifting while she takes as much "light" work as she can. Her favorite thing to do is sleep.

Nilus: The oldest of the "young generation," Nilus is more cautious and hesitant than his siblings, not at all understanding how the dragon and Royal heritage seems to come so easy to them all, while he struggles with self-esteem issues and doubts of whether he's good enough.  Quite uniquely for a young dragon, he's a bit of a coward and would rather avoid anything dangerous.

Ruzika: The second youngest, and possibly the spunkiest, of the siblings, Ruzika is Nilus's total opposite: She's not afraid of anything and will leap into any situation without thinking because she's convinced that she can handle anything. She's a bit of a goofball and she loves to talk, to anyone and about anything.

Kiriani. Kiriani is, at least for now, the youngest Princess. She's generally sweet-natured but can be a bit of a drama queen.

Duck on Vacation

Now that winter's here, at least here in the North, the migratory birds have all flewn off to warmer climates. This one decided to send us a postcard, with the text "Having a wonderful time, wish you were here."

...I think he just wanted to gloat.


Guess what? I'm doing... Another Top Five list!

This time it's about fantasy stock plots/tropes that I've grown tired of. Now, in and of themselves, none of these are bad persay -- there have been many good stories where one or more of them played an important part. But they have been terribly over-used, and seeing them in a story now kinda fills me with an "oh no, not again" dread. These are the type of ideas that writers grab when they can't think of anything else; sometimes the result is something quite enjoyable while other times... it isn't.

In my writings, I'm hoping to avoid these things, so I'm making a promise to myself not to use any of these -- unless, and this is important, unless I find some twist on it that makes it more interesting.

So here's the...



Time travel is one of the stockiest of stock plots; just about every franchise features at least one instance of it, and a few, like Doctor Who and Back To The Future, are built up around it. (Sarah claims that there are also a whole slew of time travel romance novels out there, though I will admit I've never read any.) I suppose it's an easy way to get a "fish out of water" scenario, if it's either someone from modern times going to the past or the future, or someone from the past/future coming to our time...

But really, usually the plot is either "we're stuck in the past and can't get home" or "we go back to the past to fix our mistakes." It's not that either of these things can't be done well, and there have been good stories with both premises, but, well, it's so seldom that I see time travel used creatively in a story. It tends to be kind of the same thing over and over again. The protagonists either end up shaping history, or changing history, and they meet historical people who are either exactly as you think, or totally different... it's all been done.

(By the way, since it now is 2015, am I really the only one heartily sick of all the skits where Marty Mcfly and Doc Brown arrive in the "future" and are really disappointed at the lack of hoverboards and flying cars?)


Stock horror plot: Someone or something calls forth the characters' worst nightmares or greatest fears -- either physically bringing them into the real world or (if the wtiter is a little more psychological) just makes the characters think the nightmares have become real. Expect scary monsters, at least one monstrous clown, some kind of seclusion/loneliness thing, loss of power, rejection, total failure, that sort of thing.

These sort of things are just trite. It's always the same; the comic relief character has some suitably humorous or absurd fear, like killer clowns or talking breadsticks, or being naked in public, while the smart guy is afraid of becoming stupid, the heroic character is afraid of failure, and everyone falls prey to their own fears until one character -- usually the hero -- stands up to the fears, which breaks the spell or at least leads to the breaking of the spell, in an exceptionally ham-fisted moral about facing your fears. It's not that this is a bad moral (and it can lead to good stories; the Over The Garden Wall series was pretty much built around the concept of facing your fears, to very good effect), but this kind of delivery is just lazy and clunky. Often the story tries to use the fears as a character study thing, but having each character's fears say something about them... but usually the so-called "character study" is shallow and not very interesting. The goofy, joking character has silly nightmares? The tough guy is afraid of something seemingly small and harmless? The hero is afraid of letting everyone down? Yeeeeah, really ground-breaking stuff there.


I may have mentioned my dislike of this once or twice. The story ends with the protagonist waking up, and wouldn't you know it, it was all a dream! Or, for an extra twist, wait, there is some hint here that it wasn't a dream after all! I can count the number of stories that were better for such a revelation on one hand -- usually, the revelation is a cheap cop-out; the status quo is changed, but whew, it was just a dream.

It's a lot more tolerable if the story is clearly set up as a dream from the start, but still, most of these "dream" stories don't really take much advantage of it being a dream; either they end up as parodies of another story just with the familiar characters in the main roles (double bonus if it's the movie version of The Wizard of Oz, one of the worst "it was all a dream" endings to ever have been inserted to a story, or Alice In Wonderland, the original "it was all a dream" story) or they become vaguely dull nightmare stories.

But there's one twist and variant to this trope that's been done more often in recent years, and one that I absolutely detest: The opposite version. A character of an established fantastic franchise wakes up and finds out the entire life we've seen them lead was a dream or a delusional fantasy, they live in a totally mundane world and magic and monsters does not exist. Sometimes said character is depicted as institutionalized, with doctors and psychiatrists (and possibly mundane versions of their normal friends) try to convince them that their entire life was just a fantasy. Sometimes the character forgets the "fantastic" life and goes up into the mundane one while the audience is supposed to scream "what is going on?!"

But -- surprise!! It's the mundane life that's the dream/delusion! Some evil villain is tryng to trick the hero into believing s/he was never a hero at all, but some detail or contradiction clues our hero in to the diabolical plot, and at the end of the story, the hero is back in their regular fantastic life... but if the scriptwriters feel especially clever they might include a twist at the end that hints that maybe the mundane life was the real one after all and the hero has gone back to dreaming. No thanks.

You know this one. The hero has an evil twin, or an evil clone, or an evil counterpart. Or there's a parallel universe where all the heroes are in fact evil (and posibly the villains are all good), and either one or more heroes accidentally enter the world where they're evil, or an evil version of a hero ends up in our world, or they swap places, leading to lots of mistaken identities and good guys convicted of crimes they did not commit, and so on and so forth.

For some reason, everyone but me seems to love this trope. In every franchise, the most popular villain alays seems to be the "evil counterpart." Maybe they find the "hero versus himself/his dark side" idea intriguing, or maybe they just get a kick out of seeing heroes act like villains for a while. I don't know. But I'll admit, I find these to be, well, kind of dull. It feels cheap to just take a character, duplicate him/her, and then make the duplicate evil. It's very seldom that the evil duplicate is a very interesting character in his/her own right anyway; the only real interest lies in the contrast with the "good" hero and the similarities.

It's not that I'm fundamentally against twins, dopplegangers or alternate universes, but you can use all of these without the tired "evil twin" trope.


Yep, this is the big one. Why did the villain want to kill the hero? Why is the hero the only one who can set something right? Why, there was a prophecy!

You might have caught on to my distaste for "Chosen One" stories; I find them lazy and often annoyingly elitist. This person is More Important Than Everyone Else, not out of any personal merits or actions, but simply Because Destiny Says So. The prophecy tends to be the author's attempt at showing that Something Big is going on and Fate and Destiny are Involved To Such A Degree That The Text Begins Capitalizing Every Word. It seldom works; and in some cases it just gets really bad, when the prophecy is pretty much introduced out of nowhere -- or, like in the awful movie Oz The Great And Powerful, is only there as an excuse for everyone to fawn over how special the protagonist is, and the prophecy itself is never even mentioned in any detail beyond "it says he will fix everything."

I once said, years ago, that I would like a story where the ancient prophecy turns out to be just a bunch of lies, but I've changed my mind about that: Now I just don't like prophecies at all. They're lazy, they're trite, and frankly, every single way of trying to subvert or twist them has been done a million times. Hah, the villain fulfilled the prophecy by trying to avoid it -- that one's been around since the old Greek tragedies. The prophecy didn't mean quite what you thought it meant, that's almost required as a twist. The prophecy wasn't actually true, but ends up fulfilled almost as an afterthought and only in a kindasorta way? Tolken used that one, as have several others.

Let's just skip the entire prophecy thing. Make the hero earn his important status for once, don't just have him as important Because Prophecy.

Just a quick warning...

While most of this blog is pretty family-friendly (apart from the occasional bad word), there are a few posts with more adult content, most notably erotic fanfiction and nude drawings.

However, any adult content will always be behind LJ-cuts, and equipped with warnings of its adult nature. In other words, it should be easy to avoid adult content if you don't want to see it -- so don't blame me if you ignore the warnings.

Thanks for your attention!

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